We’re all looking forward to the evolution of flying watermelons! Except for creationists and vegetarians. They seem to have a problem with everything.

A smoking dog: The perfect pet, right?

Wrong. Finding an apartment would be a nightmare.

Tristan and I wrote a really catchy tune, but unfortunately it revolved around cannibalism.

But it’s okay though, cause we realized it’s actually about hamsters.

Facebook targeted advertising is like that friend that always makes you feel bad about yourself.

For awhile I lived in an apartment where a girl above us was a crack dealer, so we got a lot of late night visitors on the fire escape.

Eventually the girl got robbed and called the cops to report it. But she must have forgot: she was a crack dealer, so they kicked her out.

The cross-country race organizers never bothered preparing ribbons for anyone past 20th place, so instead we were given a generic proof of participation.

I think that’s about the same time I realized how much easier it is to get a B- than an A+.

One time I was on my way to a party, when a bee flew in the window. I slammed on the brakes and scrambled from the car flailing my arms.

I accidentally left the car in drive going into a busy intersection, but my friends were able to stop it. I didn’t get any bee sympathy.

I joined the school bike team in grade 12 (I didn’t make the tennis squad). I showed up for our first race wearing jogging pants on my dad’s 10-speed.

I fell off on the last lap and was so dehydrated that I couldn’t move. I lay there staring at a cloudless sky until a strange hippy dude found me.

Brian and I worked summers at The Butchart Gardens. They gave us radios so we could order stock, but Brian always found much awesomer uses!

Our manager used to send out Eddie the tiny Mexican kid to scare us straight.

I used to take piano lessons from an old lady who worked near my dad’s office on Thursday afternoons.

I really did try, but I kept getting distracted by her adult diapers.